today i woke up with the mindset that i was going to “accomplish great things! make the world turn a little faster and more efficiently today! save a shark! whoohoo! synergy! fission! dialed in! corporate terms!” and what better to do all that in than a pencil skirt? come on, have you ever read the tag on the back of yours? it reads: “designed strictly to get shit done and help YOU make shit happen.” that’s the tag verbatim. i’m not paraphrashing. por serio.
anyway, i went to my closet and got my favorite pencil skirt which is this awesome magenta skirt from H&M and went to put it on and stand in the mirror and HOLY BALLS when did that skirt start making me look like a 40 year old woman trying to sneak something out of the juniors section?! it’s like you wake up one day and say, “oh this skirt is starting to get snug maybe i sh - shit who put that box of doughnuts on the counter don’t they know my skirt situation i don’t want to be rude i’ll just have a few or ten or whatever i don’t believe in this whole body image hangup thing oh god there are sprinkles on these doughnuts. fucking rainbow ones see you guys in thirty minutes!”
and then one day you wake up and you look like you’re putting your skirt through hell by putting it on. you sit around all day fearing a court summons from your skirt saying it’s suing you for emotional and physical distress.
i am waiting for that summons. what a fucking friday.
oh, hello.
